The Last Night of the Regular Season
miscellaneous
Tonight is a Junior Super Bowl.
We haven’t seen two NFL teams play for the #1 seed in the playoffs since 1993.
We’ve never seen two teams with 13 or more wins each play each other in the regular season. Both the Vikings and the Lions now have 14 wins.
NBC’s Cris Collinsworth and his dutiful son Jac (they always yoink away an unnecessary consonant in first names in that family) will undoubtedly annoy you on levels you didn’t anticipate.
And this is probably the biggest one: Neither team has a Kyle playing for it. This is the first time since 1978 that a guy named Kyle doesn’t have a chance to get in an NFL game. When they last played each other in October, both teams had at least three Kyles but they’ve all been cut. And they’ve all disappeared under mysterious circumstances but no one wants to talk about that.
I don’t know if that’s true. It feels true, though.
Anyway, it[s a game compelling enough for Jon Gruden to make a 36 minute video about. I haven’t watched it. The whiteboards are enticing but I will still probably avoid it. Here you go:
The Lions were incredibly upset that the Vikings bought 2000 tickets on the secondary market and sold them to fans at a huge discount. The NFL said “Tough Shit.” That’s fun. They spent two million bucks. Hopefully their fans will have an easier time making it to Detroit than the Chiefs did in traveling to Denver (see below).
All of the day games today aren’t worth watching.
Oh, shit. Actually, there are some games you’ll need to pay attention to.
Look, the Cincinnati Bengals were lousy this season, but their offense was great. And now they have quietly won five straight games. Last night they beat the Steelers, but that doesn’t get them into the playoffs.
Unfortunately, according to Cincinnati.com, the Bengals still need the following shit to happen:
… a road loss by the Miami Dolphins to the New York Jets Sunday at 4:25 p.m. Eastern.
The Bengals also need the Broncos to lose to the Kansas City Chiefs in Denver on Sunday, also at 4:25 p.m. Eastern. The Chiefs are expected to start multiple backups.
These are tremendous long shots. If you want to find out if a friend has a gambling problem, ask if they’re betting on these games. Oh, wait. Tua isn’t playing for the Dolphins today. But the Dolphins entire playoff hopes ride on winning today, beating Aaron Rodgers and the Jets, and (after the poll)
… for Kansas City to beat the Broncos. But Kansas City has the #1 seed in the AFC and is sitting all their stars today. Incensed by updates like these…
Redditors were going insane (or entertaining themselves) about the Chiefs having to “forfeit” the game because the Chiefs were dilatory (kids and teachers alike loved to use this word in the 1980s) in getting their asses to Denver during a blizzard.
They made it. Get ready for Carson Wentz in the snow.
Back to the Bengals.
Joe Burrow is your NFL MVP.
But they don’t seem to want to give the award to a dude on a team that sucks.
Better to give it to Pat Mahomes or Josh Allen (who is also deserving). I’d give it to Sam Darnold — after Burrow, who helped the Vikings get to where they are after many said it would be a rebuilding year.
The award went to Walter Payton in 1977 when the Bears went 9-5. Their first winning season in a zillion years. Oddly enough, in baseball, when the Cubs finished in last place a decade later Andre Dawson won the MLB MVP. People did not like that. As a Cubs fan who saw how terrible they were, Dawson deserved the award.
There are other things happening.
Bad things.
Dumb things.