What your teams are wearing today
I was attempting to figure out win-loss records based on what color helmet a team wears, when I realized that too many teams switch helmet colors now to bother with this exercise. I am all for it for the most part. The color changes are good, until they’re confusing.
This is the Jacksonville uniform where the players look like a stale airport tap beer.
Here’s the Dolphins answer to that. Like a disappointing new orange juice product. Not sure if they even do this anymore. Ryan Tannehill looks, here, like a kid who will tell on you without hesitation.
This Bengals uniform looks like it literally endangers animals somehow.
I didn’t even know this was a thing.
They abandoned it this season, but l love the Falcons gradient uniform.
This is the best uniform, obviously. No idea why they’d stick with the uglier green stuff.
Here’s what teams will be wearing today. This is beyond nerdy. I learned about it from the great Uni-Watch site, home to radical imaginings like this (I’d never put the Dolphins in yellow though, obvs) which also featured this amazing story today:
At a 1980 concert at Anaheim Stadium with Merle Haggard and Johnny Paycheck, Willie Nelson wore an Astros tequila sunrise jacket, and a beret, for some reason. (From Christopher Fellerhoff)
Anyway:
Cowboys white helmets? Suck. Whole uniform looks like a guy who won’t leave your party. Helps you clean up and then moves in. Eats chorizo while fixing your bicycle. Signs you up for classes you don’t want to take.
Falcons red helmets? Amazing. An angry accountant in 1979 with weekend custody.
Bears orange helmets? Gruesome. It makes a bad team look even worse.
Seahawks silver helmets and throwback uniforms? Keep it up. Geno Smith somehow seems made for this uniform.
Seahawks dark blue? Boring. Oddly medical look.
Steelers white jerseys? No. Disappointing.
Giants “old” Giants helmets? Yes.
Buccaneers creamsicle? Yes.
Patriots old white helmet with the guy? Yes.
Saints black pants? Yes. Just throwin’ some yoga tights on.
Commanders entire uniform? Needs a redesign. Except their black uniforms are great.
Stay tuned for more today.