The Browns Win

I texted my son last night before Steelers at Browns, telling him the 2-8 Browns, led by their 39th (I think) QB since 1999, Jameis Winston, would win. 

I am aware the Browns mostly suck. I was not aware though, that they’d beaten the Steelers in Cleveland five out of the last six times they played.  I could have sworn it was one out of forty-three.

Keeping up with the Browns has not been a necessity for most of us, though there have been stunning moments recently that tempt me to occasionally believe. Then the Browns try their best to fuck that up. Even with recent aesthetic choices. Uniforms. It’s the NFL. If you have to say what city you’re playing for, you’ve already lost.

Thankfully their uniforms today are a return to the classic Browns look. Minimal.

Anyway.

Look, there’s an alternate Marty Schottenheimer world where I actually live in Cleveland.

I am part of the fabric of the city. I drink domestic canned beer. I work in a factory. I get suspicious about my elderly neighbor and get him busted. The old stadium still exists. Cigarettes are still advertised there.

The reality is that all of this of course is that these moments are mostly obscured by me sitting in an empty 1980s Cleveland mall food court, as Loverboy plays while I eat cold curly fries.

Last night though, the prediction of a snowstorm compelled me to tune in.

Part of the charm of Browns QB Jameis Winston as a leader is that neither you or he know what he’s going to say before he says it.

Pregame (click to watch)

The Browns built a lead, and Jameis (a fumble and an INT) did their best to blow the game, before a majestic final drive that is the only reason any of us watch football, filled with a handful of insane Jerry Jeudy catches where he looked like a molded action figure being repeatedly knocked over by an invisible schnauzer.

The post-game led to “like a kid out there” snow angels. And we wound up with a game that felt like it delivered on what we expect when we watch football. Shoulda been a Thanksgiving game.

The Ohio band Gaunt took me through Cleveland in the 1990s. We drove by Cleveland Stadium at dawn. The edifice looked particularly haunting and massive. Bigger than anything I’d ever seen. Like a sunken ship.

They always had tapes of this local band in the van.

And now Jovan from Gaunt roasts the best coffee in the united states.