NFL teams took the field last Saturday.
Based on this photo, what pre-season game do you think I went to?
Cowboys? Nope.
A pristine Jets-era Favre jersey in the unrelenting August sun? Was I at Met Life?
Nope. Sorry.
It was Vikings vs. Raiders.
But I do appreciate the implied and often temporary solidarity of “football advocates” attending an NFL game wearing the jersey of the team wholly responsible for animating their hopes, dreams, and sickest desires. Even though they can be troublemakers. (I once witnessed a gentleman in a Bears jersey at a Week One Falcons vs Panthers game taunting everyone until fists flew.)
I often don’t feel like I am at an NFL game until I see a guy in a Hines Ward Steelers jersey desperately trying to distract a Rams vs. Buccaneers crowd with his own worries. Or memories. "My ex-girlfriend’s uncle once sold a trampoline to Jeff Reed. It’s like Jeff, don’t do anything crazy, man. We need ya.” Or a shoestring catch by Mike Evans might (will) trigger a flashback to a vintage Bubby Brister shootout.
But anyway, in Minnesota, they refuse to let Percy Harvin become a memory.
Legends below.
And Randy Moss’s shameful pantomiming of wiping his ass on the goal post in Green Bay did not dissuade this docile Fridley grandfather from proudly letting the world know who he loves.
I left the game too early. At halftime. But not before spotting Raiders Defensive Assistant Rob Ryan emerging from the tunnel looking like a lost Kirkwood Brother.
Kene Nwangwu’s 48 yard TD scamper, nor before the Jumbotron showed off a brandedAI collab that turned all the Vikings linemen into unique Pixar characters. I didn’t manage to snap a pic on time.
I also missed JJ McCarthy’s two second-half TDs. It now seems inevitable that Tom Brady will become neighbors with Michelle Tafoya in Edina.
The best part of the game was the cheddar brats.
Second best? A hallway filled with amazing Topps paintings.
Welcome back.